An (unsuccessful) conversation with my hair

Me: good morning!

Hair: nnngghh.

Me: Rise and shine!

Hair: SHINE?? Did you say "shine"?? You did, didn't you. bwahahaha!!

Me: seriously. We need to get up.

Hair: you're kidding. Waking us up at 5 am to embark on a 4 hour drive? But we haven't had our beauty sleep!

Me: yeah, yeah. Suck it up. I don't have time to listen to you whine, we've got to go.

Hair: hmph. Good luck with that:


I think my perpetually frizzy locks must be karmic paybacks for unkindly sheering sheep or something in a past life.

I sometimes idly wonder what it would be like to have awesome hair the way someone might noncommittally ponder the lifestyle of a billionaire: not like it's ever going to happen to me so no use in entertaining any serious thought about the matter.

Most of the time, Hair and I do not speak; we go by the unspoken rule that *it* will resemble sickly medusa's snakes and *I* will benefit by feeling so hideous I won't ever pay much attention to outward appearance and thus concentrate only on inner growth. It's worked so far, but even this morning was a new low. The storm that knocked out power for two days effectively rendering electric styling apparati useless has made the strands grumpy and prone to rise in revolt.

Tune in next week to "as the strand frizzes!" to see the drama unfold, or tell me your best hair-care tip below. Maybe I can crowdsource some sense into these follicles.

(posted via phone)

...................
EPILOGUE:

So, I was on the way to a baby shower, about to see folks I hadn't laid eyes on in some time and I desperately wanted to look at least a LITTLE presentable. Was grappling with how, when I suddenly realized... I was in *NJ*. Of COURSE I could pretend my overnight bag was a purse and slip into some public restroom with a set of curlers to iron out the frizzies:
Tweet stream from the restroom:

Well, I just blogged about my hair, of all things. It's that awful today. Except I can't get the img to upload. Help me trblshoot?

Dudes. I just realized I'm in *NJ*. of *course* I could pretend overnight bag is a purse & lug curlers into bathrm.

Right now, someone in a Toms River Walgreens is tweeting about the weirdo curling her hair in the public restroom.

You know how in Doom/Quake you can roll over a first aid kit and get like 10% health? I just got 10% less hideous. Ready for baby shower.

How I envy women with hair that doesn't hate them....