Senin, 09 Agustus 2010

Kaddish for an ending

I'm moving tomorrow. As a tribute to my last evening here in the home I've lived for the past 9 years, I'd like to say Kaddish.

What is Kaddish? According to the Wikipedia, Kaddish is a Jewish prayer usually referred to in mourning though it technically speaks of the reverence for God:

The central theme of the Kaddish is the magnification and sanctification of God's name. In the liturgy different versions of the Kaddish are used functionally as separators between sections of the service. The term "Kaddish" is often used to refer specifically to "The Mourners' Kaddish", said as part of the mourning rituals in Judaism in all prayer services as well as at funerals and memorials. When mention is made of "saying Kaddish", this unambiguously denotes the rituals of mourning.

I do not practice religion, though I deeply respect those who do (and that means all religions), but my background is Jewish and so I'd like to grieve this experience in a way that feels natural as a meager attempt at some small semblance of closure. I'm going to make up my own ceremonial piece inspired from several verses, changing the words of traditional graveside prayers to suit the death of a part of my life.

Dead tree, Grand Canyon (South Rim) at sunset. I took this last year.

Peace be to thy spirit dear one. I hope that thou dwellest safely under the stars. And yet, to think that thou no more art with me, grieves the heart and saddens the thought. I have come to the place where the past has come to rest and I pray for the strength and the will to become a better person, that I may practice the grace, kindness and poise of those who are better examples than I, and to strive to be the kind of person worthy of the gift of life. The past experiences will be forever written upon my heart and set up as a memorial before my eyes. I wish for the strength to carry forward and hope that one day there may be a sense of peace around what is now a very painful time.

I place trust in those who are a source of gratitude and strength in this time of sorrow. Though a link has been severed from the chain of my past, I hope to honor it with serious contemplation and further thought as time brings forth new lessons and a greater sense of understanding.

Thank you for visiting my blog, for thinking of me, for your kind words and letters, for your understanding glances as you pass me in the hall, for... just being you. For opening up your hearts to understand what cannot be explained and for generally lifting me from fires and ruin. If what matters in life is kindness, you have already done this many times over for me. Thank you.

No comments necessary, you've already done that. This post was more about giving myself a sense of closure and one last thank you for being there.

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