-- Acts 1-5: girl's (unsuccessful) attempt to buy glasses

Act 1: girl gets eye exam. Because her eyes are freakishly dilated, she cannot see and thus cannot pick out new glasses.

me: I'm going to have to come back later because I can't see anything right now. Can I please have my prescription?

clerk: um, sorry. The doctor just left so, no.

me: I can only get the prescription when the doctor is here?

clerk: yes

me: (annoyed sigh) Fine.

Act 2, one week later: Girl, while out running errands, notices eyeglasses store in shopping center.

me: ooh! Let me check out their selection.

hubby: oh those look nice on you.

me: done!

me (to clerk): I'd like these, please. Except my prescription is at this other place.

clerk: No problem, I will call them.

clerk: Hello, I'm calling from The Better Eyeglass Store With A Nicer Selection And More Competent Employees, I need a prescription you have on file.... Oh, you can't?

me (overhearing): Here! I will talk to them!

me (taking phone): See, I was just there last week but you couldn't give me the prescription then. I need it now. Can you fax it here?

(incompetent) clerk: Sorry. The law says we can't do that. But if you have a personal fax, we can fax it.

me: I do! I have a personal fax. (gives number)

me, to nice clerk: I'll have to come back later, after I get their fax. (Suddenly it occurs to me: crap, why didn't I just give them the fax number here? How would they have known?)

Act 3: Two weeks pass, the fax never came. Girl has called the nice place twice to make sure they still have the frames, and the incompetent place twice to request that they send her the prescription. Each time her molars get a little smoother as she grinds her teeth in frustration.

Act 4: Another week passes, which involves at least three attempts to stop by the incompetent place to pick up the prescription. Through a series of repeated comedic errors, the paperwork is never obtained.

Act 5 (today): The other store finally gave up and put the frames back into circulation causing girl to spend an additional hour searching for them. Another attempt to get the prescription was made:

me: Hi, I called earlier to see if you could have my prescription ready for me. I am five minutes away.

(incompetent) clerk: Sorry. We're closing now.

me: Can you please mail it then? I've requested this multiple times.

(incompetent) clerk (sullenly): Well, ok. But it's going to take a loooong time.

me: How long?

(incompetent) clerk: I don't know. It has to be mailed from the Really Fucking Far Away office. Nothing can be mailed out from here. And *I* won't be in the Really Fucking Far Away Office until MONDAY. hmph. So wait until after Thanksgiving, Bitch.*

(*alright, so she didn't really say the last thing, but she was thinking it. I could tell.)

To add to my joy, I just realized that my coupon expires in days and I am going to have to repeat the entire rushed scenario next week.

I hate buying glasses.