The Olives of Bliss (aka Castelvetrano olives)

castelvetrano olives

 It all started with an innocent trip to the grocery store. I picked up a deli carton of assorted olives. And bit into a kind I've never seen before. It was bright green and firm, unlike the dull green kind with pimientos or the more subdued and briny dark purple ones. My salivary glands immediately dumped and uncontrollable mouthwatering began. Simultaneously, my eyes rolled back into my head. I think I even stopped breathing for a couple seconds. All of this happened COMPLETELY INVOLUNTARILY.

I finished the olive and posted a status update:

Nov. 22 8:43pm
blogrollandroll is conducting an experiment on just how many olives is too many olives.

I thoughtfully plucked out a few more, eating each like an apple - delicately clasped between thumb and forefinger, slicing small slivers and rolling from one side to the other to fully absorb the taste and savor each slowly. I did this for about an hour and then updated:

Nov. 22 10:03pm
I can now unequivocally say that 9 olives is too many olives. But hot dayum, that was good. ::smacks lips:: (The bright green kind, sprinkled with fresh rosemary = heaven.)

I still didn't know what they were called but I eagerly awaited my next acquaintance with them.

The next day, I left work, got into the car and began the drive home when I got stuck in the most heartless traffic jam ever -- stopped within WALKING distance of my precious olives. I thought I was going to shrivel up into a bag of need. I was starving, hadn't eaten in hours and those olives were the only things on my mind. I could practically taste them.

Status update:

Nov. 23 7:04pm
blogrollandroll is trapped in nonmoving traffic about three tenths of a mile away from The Olives of Bliss and is growing increasingly agitated.

Finally got home and dove into them but quickly -- had to duck back out for art class, so no slow savoring. A few hours later, I returned home again, hungry for more. I looked at them and wondered if there were enough to offer my roommate. Hrm. Not yet, but maybe the next batch.

I finished the rest of the exotic olives that night. Now what was I going to do? I'd found them in a supermarket far away in Baltimore that I don't frequent. They HAD to be someplace nearby. But I knew if I was going to find them, I'd have to try someplace special since I'd never seen them in any of the local joints.

I put my bet on WHOLE FOODS. If any place knows exotic olives, it'd have to be an organic market with a kickin' variety. I'd never been to the one in my new town yet (heck, hadn't been to one in years because they're normally out of my distance and price range) but I made a pilgrimage there last night's quest. 

I was very single-minded in my mission. I could not be distracted by attractive fruit displays and free tastings. I grabbed a cart, made a beeline for the back and tweeted:

Nov. 29 8:18pm
Imma fill this mf up with olives.

Next:

Nov. 29 8:28
SIGHTING!

The rest of my tweet stream/status updates regarding this, um, intense mission:

Nov. 29 8:46pm
just bought $14 worth of olives. Commence bliss!

Nov. 29 9:09pm
Olives acquired. Ppl next to me are horrifiedly wearing the "Young lady, not in public!" expression while I sigh happily at each bite.

Nov. 29 9:02pm
Not sure what kind of low this is, but I'm listening to Katy Perry & snacking on olives while STILL in supermarket. I can't stop smiling.

Nov. 29 9:13pm
I don't think I ever knew what love was before. #olives #omgfoodtastesthisgood?

Nov. 29 9:14pm
Please don't tell me olives are fattening.

Nov. 29 9:16pm
Also, I just realized this is the window seat in busy downtown Silver Spring. I'm pretty sure those little kids should have been shielded.

Nov. 29 9:21pm
Men in white coats just entered, approaching me with urgency in step. Olives, you have to go now. Shhh...

Nov. 29 11:00pm
@plumbob78 @NguyetV I AM GOING TO BRING YOU CASTELVETRANO OLIVES. They are brined in crack.

And then eight hours pass where I am asleep and thus not eating olives.

The next morning:

Nov. 30 9:00am
Olives for breakfast?

Nov. 30 9:48am
THE OLIVES OF BLISS ARE IN THE BUILDING. REPEAT: THE OLIVES OF BLISS ARE IN THE BUILDING. Let me know if you want to try them. Warning: they are brined in crack. You must sign the release first!

Tonight, I got home from art class and updated:

Nov. 30 10:15pm
Can anyone guess what I'm doing right now? Hint: it involves olives.

A friend following this saga wrote: "we'd like to schedule some time for an intervention, if you have a free period any time soon."

I don't think I've ever eaten anything and said "that's what I'm talking about!" but yeah, it HAPPENED with these olives. Like every five minutes.

If you're an olive person, COVET CASTELVETRANO OLIVES.

That is all.

Love,
Spleened in Olives
(aka: one who's spleen is now a giant olive... or at least bright green.)