So, I found this page of roommate confessions and it brought me back to my college years. I thought I had awesome roommates until I discovered one of them was stealing mail, food, clothing and destroying personal property. (The other one was, actually, still awesome.)
The site is hilarious. Sample roommate confession:
- You stuck a fork in my blender. You bought my boyfriend a duck and 53 goldfish. You took exactly 204 naked pictures of yourself with my camera. You almost killed my hedgehog. You bought us a hamster then lost it. You steal my clothes. You made a tireswing in our apartment (which was actually f*cking amazing but still) and you completely covered a wall in packing peanuts and then told me it was installation art, and you have recently decided you're a Mormon Scientologist. So I feel totally fine just redecorating your room to make you believe you were in hell when you pass out. And then locking you in there for 48 hours. It's not my fault you're retarded. --Emma Sprague, School Not Given
- Imagine Jabba the Hut and Princess Leia had some bastard emo child. That's my roommate. All she does is sit on her bed and eat, then gets up and stinks up the toilet. And then complains, complains, complains! She hasn't once brushed her teeth, rarely showers, and photoshops pictures of herself on websites so she can text random boys from the internet to get them to send pictures of their penises to her. Since she is always sleeping (at least 23h a day, and the rest of the time she is doing above) I have to do my work in the dark and she bitches out on me for waking her up sometimes. So for the past 2 months I've intentionally been having sex with my boyfriend early every Thursday morning, so she can lie there listening too us and are sex noises. It's worth it even if she bitches me out about it later. --Rachel McCallum, School Not Given
For today's TMI Thursday, I'll light upon one (just one!) of those roommate incidents.
I'd arrived home one afternoon ready to make a cake for a friend's birthday. I reached into the fridge to get out the icing and I realized someone had attacked it. It looked as if a mountain lion chewed off the top, dipped 4 thick toes into the center and scooped out a giant glob. "Huh," I thought, irritated. "I can't use this but fine, I can make the cake tomorrow. I'll just leave a note for whoever ate this to replace it."
I wrote:
"Whoever ate the icing in the fridge, can you please replace it? I have to make a birthday cake tomorrow. Thanks!"
Then I didn't think about it for the rest of the day.
The next morning I woke up, stretched and ambled slowly out to the kitchen and I saw about 16 sticky notes tacked together on the dining room table in a lengthy reply to my note. I picked it up and recognized at once the hard, angry handwriting of the frustrated.
The reply started, "I didn't eat your icing!! It must have been the same person who ate my..." and then commenced an enormous list of food items, some of which I'd never even heard of, let alone realized were in the house. Only one response too, from the nice roommate. Evil roommie ignored it on her way to NJ for the weekend.
I kept reading, first in shock at the sheer volume. And then I started to laugh. I was still laughing when I knocked on Nice Roommie's door.
"L? Um, I just saw your note. I didn't even realize you HAD half this stuff. I mean, I had nothing in the freezer so I just never went in there. I didn't know you had an entire box of Reese's peanut butter cups inside. The whole box disappeared? DAYum. And this other stuff?" I pointed. "I just really had no idea."
I couldn't stop laughing though. My roommie looked at me and her frown turned up a bit. "D is allergic to peanut butter so I thought it was you."
Me: "um, no, no way would I eat someone's food like that. I mean, if I HAD, like if I was in the grip of some wholly unstable mentally ill state, I would have at least told you and then immediately replaced it. So, huh. WTF?"
She started to laugh; THAT'S where all the food was going all this time. Both of us suddenly understood eachother. We spent the rest of the afternoon sharing stories (like the time all the steak chunks in a meat & rice dish of mine went missing, and how the entire outer ring of a coffee cake bore teethmarks).
Then we went out and split a box of Reese's in solidarity. Next time I'll discuss the stolen property, mail and missing cordless phone story. For now? You can get more TMI Thursdays:
More TMI Thursday?
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