-- why are there so many losers?

So I spent tonight looking through the housing-wanted section on Craigslist because we might end up renting our home for the summer. (When details are firmed up I'll write more.)

But geebus. Is everyone who looks for an apartment really this clueless??

My thoughts (in red) as I was reading the ads (now edited):

Family of three DESPERATE for immediate housing. We don't have any money to put up front. We just have to believe that there is someone out there who would have compassion for our situation. Thank you and please have a blessed day. (Your DESPERATION sounds warning bells. Compassion for your situation? No. I don't give a damn. Shut up and pay. Blessing-recipient FAIL.)

Prof. male, 29, seeks housing to share. (see pic at right -- YES this really was in the ad.) (Professional what? Stripper? More like a professional FAIL.)

You can call me kate, I am straight, I am a female. (Um, I don't care what your orientation or gender is [though I don't know that many guys named Kate] but you FAIL on literacy appeal. I need to know you can read & write because JOBS usually require this. FAIL.)

QUADFEST room wanted. (I don't know what a "QUADFEST" is but I instantly imagined multiple foursomes on our new kitchen counters. Um, no. Desireabile tenant FAIL.)

We are currently displaced and have been living in a hotel for almost a week. My husband is laid off and I'm the only one working at the moment. We have a 4 year old and another one on the way. We are truly desperate. We have been denied by apartment complexes due to our credit issue (the failing economy has hit us pretty hard). (You sound like losers. Why are you breeding when you can't hold down jobs and housing? I don't need to know your problems, just that you can pay rent. Competency FAIL.)

NUDIST roommate wanted. Being nude is great, but it can be rather confining when living with non-nudist. (Um, good luck with that. At least he's up front about it. FAIL because we aren't nudists, although what's it to me if this dude just hates laundry?)

I require hardwood floors. Carpeting in the bedrooms is ok but carpeting in the living room will NOT be considered. (Since when was flooring a make-it or break-it deal?? What are they doing on said floors -- oiling up their bodies and skidding across it nightly in a game of human curling? Picky freak FAIL.)

I had some old credit issues, being resolved. (Then call when they're resolved. Life-management FAIL.)

DESPERATE CHRISTIAN LADY NEEDS APT. (I don't care what your religion is but the fact that you mentioned it turns me off. I picture you trying to convert me throughout the entire application process. Don't you know desperation is as unattractive to landlords as prospective mates? Perception FAIL.)

At this rate I'm going to need a LOT of luck so cross your fingers AND your spleen...!