Britney Spears' Suggestive New Song

Britney Spears new song is about having a threesome.

The 'Womanizer' singer - who is known for wearing revealing, skin-flashing outfits on stage - has penned a track called '3' which suggests she likes being intimate with two lovers at the same time.

On the track, Britney sings: "Three is a charm / Two is not the same / I don't see the harm / So are you game?"

The chorus continues: "One, two, three / Not only you and me / Got one eighty degrees / And I'm caught in between.

"Countin' one, two, three / Peter, Paul and Mary / Getting' down with 3P / Everybody loves ***."

The racy song is due to appear on Britney's upcoming LP 'The Singles Collection'.

This is not the first time Britney's career has taken a provocative twist.

The 27-year-old star - who as a teenager said she wouldn't have sex before marriage - is currently on the road with her steamiest world tour to date.

WTF Wednesday: genital rescue, giant baby, major WIN, and more

Hives-Carrying Van Crashes; Bees Attack Rescuers
A van carrying beehives in Turkey crashed; huge swarms broke free and stung everyone at the scene. About 20 people were taken to hospitals.

Bull escapes from slaughterhouse in NJ
A 1,400-pound bull that escaped from a northern New Jersey slaughterhouse dragged officers with a lasso down a street and ran 10 blocks before being captured and sedated.

Woman tries to sell child for gas
A 37-year-old woman was arrested on a child-neglect charge after a tow truck driver told police the woman offered to sell her child in exchange for gas money.

Couple Find Garden Moved Next Door
A British couple said they discovered the garden of their former home had been stolen and installed in the yard of their next-door neighbor.

Firefighters Rescue Penis from Metal Ring
A California Fire Department sawed through a steel, ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener that had been stuck on a man's penis for two or three days.

Phone Number for Lobster Aid Package Actually a Sex Line
Maritime lobster fishermen in need of financial help got a lift of another kind when they were directed to a toll-free number that was supposed to detail an aid package but connected them to a lusty sex line instead.

Giant Baby Draws Spectators
Indonesia's heaviest-ever newborn drew curious crowds to a hospital where a boy came into the world at a record 19.2 pounds.

Trucker Flips His Rig After Masturbating While Driving
A German trucker suspected of driving under the influence of drugs crashed his vehicle, admitting to masturbating at the time of the accident.

Woman Wins 4 Cars in 4 Weeks at Casino
Thunder Valley casino has given away eight cars and trucks in two months, and four of them have gone to the same woman.

Ex-Officer's Sex-with-Cows Charges Dropped
Animal-cruelty charges have been dropped against a former officer accused of performing sex acts with cows because bestiality is not a crime in NJ.

I think I just gave my toilet a tampon

It is a personal quest of mine to have a sparkly bathroom and so I am constantly scrubbing it down. This has worked most of my life, but yesterday while shopping, I found myself entering a strange state in the cleaning aisle. The kind of state brought on by exposure to the electromagnetic mind-erasing mechanism known as Really Bad Bee Gees at Safeway.

I happened to be in front of the toilet cleaners when "How Deep Is Your Love?" sung by a chorus of eunichs scratched over the supermarket loudspeakers, completely scrambling the electrical activity in my brain.

I blacked out.

I awoke later in the bathroom holding what appeared to be a commode tampon.

Or an applicator worthy of shotgunning a month's supply of horrid genital medicines into unoccupied diseased-ridden orifices.

I opened this box to find an applicator full of a mysterious green gel.

The instructions commanded one to take charge -- grab the applicator, aim and shoot. Clear!

And voila -- one more North American toilet is now radioactive.

Anyway. The toilet should smell nice, as pleasant as plutonium-scented flowers might be. Let's see how it holds up!

The Rapper Singer 50 Cent Goes Home

50 Cent returned to his old New York neighborhood on Saturday (26Sep09) to perform a concert for his hometown fans.

Thousands packed into a school playground in Jamaica, Queens for a community festival that boasted Fiddy as its headlining act.

The festival was cancelled back in August (09) because local authorities were concerned about security arrangements.

And there was a strong police presence on Saturday, with armed cops lined up on rooftops surrounding the event.

The rapper invited the officers to join the party, shouting from the stage, "I ain't never seen this before. That's the motherfucking police. You might as well come down and party with us, because we're not going to be doing anything else. I'm just going to enjoy myself.

I'm just going to enjoy myself : 50 Cent

"I'm back in my neighborhood, it feels good. I'm full of positive energy.

"I want to make sure everyone has a good time and gets home safe".

Nelly Furtado's Fame Breakdown

Nelly Furtado had a breakdown when she first became famous.

The 'Maneater' singer admits she initially struggled to cope with the pressures of fame and would spend a great deal of time alone, even though it seemed she was enjoying her life.

She said: "Fame took me by surprise and I ended up having a breakdown. It was too much too soon. After two years of intense touring and partying I'd spend hours alone in my LA home, just staring at the floor. I felt like a fraud, believing that people liked me for my image and not my music."

There are times when I long to be a hermit living in a cottage. I often crave that sort of solitude. But having a husband and a daughter tends to get in the way of that.

Although she has recovered, Nelly - who is married to sound engineer Demacio Castellon and has a six-year-old daughter from a previous relationship - admits she would like to spend more time by herself but her lifestyle doesn't allow it.

She told Britain's Live! magazine: "There are times when I long to be a hermit living in a cottage. I often crave that sort of solitude. But having a husband and a daughter tends to get in the way of that."

AnnaLynne McCord is Teen Vogue Vibrant

AnnaLynne McCord and her sister Angel attend the Seventh Annual Teen Vogue Young Hollywood Party held at Milk Studios in Los Angeles on Friday (September 25).

The 22-year-old 90210 starlet talked about what’s coming up on her CW series. “There’s lots of juicy drama with the boys,” Annalynne told JustJared.com.”Naomi is trying to get over Liam going after all the boys. She and Annie aren’t anywhere close to fixing anything, but Annie is going on a downward spiral. She’s hooking up with some bad people. We just found out how bad the guy she’s with is. He’s doing some naughty stuff on the side, so it’s good. It’s juicy! I like it this year.”

Taylor Lautner is Tremendous at Teen Vogue

Taylor Lautner hits the red carpet at the 7th Annual Teen Vogue Young Hollywood party in L.A. on Friday (September 25).

The 17-year-old Twilight actor attended the star-studded event, rubbing elbows with young celebs including Selena Gomez, iCarly’s Miranda Cosgrove and HSM alum Ashley Tisdale.

While Taylor may look like he’s a tough guy, he has a soft side, too - he recently told Boxoffice Magazine that one of his favorite movies is The Notebook. “I don’t think I should be embarrassed to admit it though - it’s a great movie,” he says. “I’m not embarrassed. I’m saying it proudly.”

Former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson is drowning in debt. The 42-year-old owes $1.1 million to various construction companies for remodelling work on

Former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson is drowning in debt.

The 42-year-old owes $1.1 million to various construction companies for remodelling work on her Malibu home as well as back state taxes, Los Angeles County records show.

According to the documents, five different construction companies have filed cases against her home, the largest being $674,043 for labour and materials to remodel the main house, and build a swimming pool and foundations for a guest house.

She also owes $252,360.39 in back state taxes and penalties for 2007, reports people.com.

Stephen Moyer’s Dog To Be Ringbearer

True Blood stars and real-life couple Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin host the L.A. Dogworks and Good Dog Animal Rescue fund raiser on Wednesday (September 23) in Los Angeles.

“Splash, my alpha, will be the ringbearer,” Stephen told People at the event. “My son [Billy, born in 2000] might be unhappy about that.” (Splash is Stephen’s 10-year-old border collie that he calls “a grumpy little sod.”)

Stephen, 39, and Anna, 27, have not set a date yet for their wedding.

Jennifer Aniston cries thinking about Brad Pitt

It seems Jennifer Aniston still has feelings for ex-hubby Brad Pitt as she burst into tears in her trailer while filming in New York, telling an assistant that a scene 'reminded her of him,' a source said.

The former Friends star, who was shooting for The Bounty with Gerard Butler, was reportedly spotted in tears.

According to a source, an assistant saw Aniston in tears inside the trailer when he went to call her, reports the New York Post.

The source said Aniston told the assistant: "I need a moment. This scene reminds me of Brad and me".

Aniston had gathered her calm when she came out from her trailer. "While she enjoyed flirting with Gerard on set and put a brave face on every day, privately she is still very fragile," added the source.

However, Aniston's rep has rubbished the story and said it is 'ridiculous . . it never happened.' Pitt and Aniston had separated in January 2005.

TMI Thursday: I ate bugs.

So, I ate bugs.

And/or their excreta.

I was starving. And trying desperately to avoid the candy jar. "I will be healthy!" I thought. "I brought raisins and by god, I will eat them!" Living with parents who've been raised by folks who made it through the depression has made me frugal. I do not waste food easily.

Now, I have just moved back home this past weekend after being in Arizona for 5 months. I spent all of Sunday unpacking and haven't really gone food shopping yet. I mean, I picked up a box of frozen salmon but I can't really snack on that at work. So when the afternoon rapacious, greedy, insatiable hunger demon attacks, I need to be prepared. Yesterday's weapon of choice was an old, wayward box of stiff raisins that I clumsily grabbed as I was tearing out the door. I had no idea how old they were. But raisins last forever, right?

Fast forward to 4pm. Normally I get hungry around 3 but I was particularly uninterested in my anti-starvation arsenal. I waited until my stomach started to digest itself and then, while composing a response to a guy wanting to sell us his useless vinyl record collection, I tore into the box of raisins. They were dry, crumbly and unyielding (a particularly unappetizing combination in a raisin) but I mindlessly jammed giant handfuls down my maw anyway. I downed nearly the entire box this way, not even looking.

Now down to only three raisins glued to the back of the box, I clawed blindly but they were out of reach. So I tore it open. And made the mistake of looking.

And that's when I discovered something very wrong inside:

Not a normal box of raisins

Um, raisins are not supposed to look like this, right?

I looked closely, unable to help myself. Yep, bugs. Little segmented parts, tiny hairs and ingested raisin excreta all over the box. I don't know WHAT ate them, but I clearly did not get there first.

I stood there a moment contemplating the philosophical cleansing of a good retching session.

And then I emailed my workout buddy:

>>> >>> A very distressed blogrollandroll >>>
I have just discovered I have eaten bugs. The retching session might not end in time to workout. Call before you go anyway, might need someone to call for help.

>>> >>> Cruel workout buddy >>>
If they were in the popcorn they were good.

>>> >>> A very distressed blogrollandroll >>>
No. It was the raisins. kak!

>>> >>> Cruel workout buddy >>>
oh that is bad. See, in popcorn they would probably be killed during the microwaving process. Not so in raisins. they'd probably be rather plump and juicy from all the good sugar. Like when I ate the cereal and I'd see all these tiny brown specs and think "I don't remember tiny brown things like that in Wheaties." So yes, you ate good, healthy, plump, bugs. Hopefully they washed their claspers and legs after defecating.

I reread this and stared back into the box looking very carefully at droppings from most certainly unwashed claspers and legs. Then I called him, said, "I hate you," and hung up. And spent the next 10 minutes brushing my teeth. (Yes, I keep a toothbrush at work.)

I have since learned this is not the first time I've eaten bugs. The FDA details the number of allowable insect parts in its Food Defect Action Level publication. Although this contains unallowable amounts, and even though I am not a math whiz, my brain saw this and instantly calculated the reverse: acceptable levels of insect fragments, parasitic cysts, thrips, mites, aphids, rodent hairs, mold, and worms in our food. Read on:

Unacceptable food defilement levels:

• Herring: 60 parasitic cysts
  
• Sauerkraut: 50 thrips
• Spinach: 50 or more aphids, thrips and/or mites
• Mushrooms: 20 or more maggots...75 mites
• Broccoli: 60 or more aphids and/or thrips and/or mites
• Brussel Sprouts: 30 or more aphids and/or thrips
• Peanut Butter: 30 or more insect fragments...One or more rodent hairs
• Wheat Flour: 75 or more insect fragments...1 or more rodent hairs
• Tomatoes: 10 or more Drosophila (fruit) fly eggs, or 5 or more fly eggs and 1 or more maggots
• Popcorn: 1 or more rodent excreta pellets...1 or more rodent hairs
• Pepper, ground: 475 or more insect fragments...2 or more rodent hair
• Peaches, canned/frozen: 3% wormy or moldy...1 or more larvae and/or larval fragments
• Nutmeg, ground: 100 or more insect fragments...1 rodent hair
• Oregano, ground: 1,250 or more insect fragments...5 rodent hairs
• Macaroni & Noodle Products: 225 insect fragments...4.5 rodent hairs

Like, it's ok to have 29 thrips in your brussel sprouts but not 30. They draw the line at 30!

Also, according to this piece from NPR, coffee is absolutely infested with roaches. If you want it free of roach dust, get beans that are ground on the spot.

So, um, have a great lunch!

More TMI Thursdays:
My TMI Thursday archive
LiLu's TMI Thursday hub

Spotlight - Julie Hewett Los Angeles

Being a professional makeup artist regardless of the venue you choose to work in (i.e., television, film, photography) requires total commitment, but deciding to also manufacturer your own product line and still be on set daily can be as challenging as climbing Mount Everest!

This Pro has known several MUAs that tried to develop their own professional line to only have it fail because they could not afford the advertising, public relations, packaging, testing, FDA approval, etc., and I know a few artists who have gone the route of consultant to major cosmetic companies, as well as continue to apply makeup to a list of celebrity clients.

Alas there are only a few artists that have climbed the beauty product-manufacturing hill and made it to the top. Those people are some of the most talented artists of our time and if you were a smart consumer you would use their cosmetic lines daily because those are the products that truly work and they have been put to every test you can imagine.

Those foundations, powders, lipsticks, liners, blushers, mascaras, etc., have been used on film and television stars and on everyone in between; family, friends, total strangers and the artists themselves personally. They are the secret weapons of many beauty editors and other MUA colleagues because the products do exactly what the creator intended for them to do.

These lines are little in comparison to big name brands like L’Oreal, Clinique, Estee Lauder, Dior or Chanel and sometimes they are not as easy to purchase because they are sold via the Internet. Since we seem to be a instant gratification society, waiting for a package containing the world’s greatest lipstick is too much for us to handle – unless you are a true beauty junkie and you know that the product is worth the wait!

When this Pro wants to feel and look my best personally, I reach for products that are made by other makeup artists, not big manufacturers. One of the product lines I love is Julie Hewett Los Angeles. This line is creative, paired down and designed by one of the best film artists working today.

She developed her line out of necessity while on the set of the film Pearl Harbor. Julie needed to create her own line of long-lasting Technicolor red lipsticks because of the period of time the film was recreating. Do you remember the gorgeous lip colors from the 1940’s? Now try to find those colors made with today’s natural ingredients. Impossible? No! Julie Hewett created classic film noir colors, which are ageless, timeless and for every woman who thought they could never wear red lipstick, this is the line for you!

The success of the lipstick line leads her to continue to manufacturer other products that performed to makeup artist standards. Now with a complete cosmetic line sold in stores around the world from California to Singapore, consumers can experience the luxury of Julie Hewett.

Here are a few of my Pro favorites:

Icon of Beauty – in Annette – it is a classic matte mauve lipstick with a hint of brown. This is an amazing long-lasting lip color that makes me feel instantly glamorous when paired with a pale eye and liquid liner.

Omit – a concealer pencil you can use to “omit” any flaw on your face, this Pro also uses it to line around the lips to make liner and lip color last longer and not bleed. It is my "secret" weapon! I have also used it to line the inside of the waterline instead of using a white liner.

Cheekie - in Peachie, Rosie and Natural - when this Pro wants to add a sheer wash of color onto a client's cheek and lips I reach for a Julie Hewett Cheekie! This product adds just the right amount of color onto the skin without looking heavy leaving a gorgeous, natural flush to the face!

Cheekie & Shimmy Duo – in Peachie/Goldie and Jami/Pinkie – this is my secret weapon for bringing a pop of color to the cheeks and creating a fresh glow on the skin! Used with the Chubby Cheekie Brush that makes applying the exact hint of color possible and not over do it!

Palettes – in Soiree, Ambre and Mandy – this Pro is all about palettes! My test of a great palette is when I have used every single color contained in the palette and not just one or two. That is why I love Julie Hewett’s palette line and she has made it possible for customers to create their own personal palette. Julie also has a Twilight Palette for those who wish to embrace their inner vampire a la team Bella and Edward!

As far as in my professional kit – Julie’s red lipsticks are my go to product. Rouge Noir, Sin Noir, Nude Noir, Film Noir, Oona Noir (a 2009 Emmy favorite) are what I grab when I am looking to recreate total glam on a client and I mix a few of these reds together to create a custom shade!

I trust Julie Hewett’s line because of her own professional experience working with such award-winning actresses as; Annette Bening, Jodie Foster, Nicole Kidman, Hilary Swank, Debra Messing and Liv Tyler. Her film credits include; The Women, Leatherheads, Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve & Thirteen, Spider-Man 2, American Beauty and Pearl Harbor to name just a few. Her cosmetic line delivers every single time I use it and it makes me feel confident as an artist and a consumer.

Hollywood big wigs have trusted in Julie Hewett’s cosmetic line and artistry skills for the past 20 years and now you can too! To purchase Julie Hewett product log on to www.juliehewett.net, enter the site and click on "locations" to find a retail store nearest you or to purchase directly on line.

PRO TIPS AND TRICKS:

Julie Hewett’s line offers custom gift boxes that are fabulous for the upcoming holidays, birthday celebration, wedding shower gifts, sweet 16 parties, etc., choose the size and products you want to include and the staff at Julie Hewett will do the rest! Or choose from several pre-filled beauty boxes including Noir Lipsticks or the Bento Beauty Box. Julie Hewett also offers professional discounts, gift certificates and the Julie Hewett Case of Beauty, which contains 1 each of all products, including brushes and palettes.

STAY TUNED:

Are you aware? Breast Cancer is the number one leading cancer death among women in the United States! Join the Pros at IMPO as we support The Breast Cancer Research Foundation!

*Photos: Julie Hewett Los Angeles and IMDB

Nick Lachey Auctions Himself Off For Charity

Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband Nick Lachey is putting himself up for auction - all in the name of charity.

The singer is offering himself up for a dream dinner date to raise money for the VH1 Save the Music Foundation, which aims to keep instrumental music education programmes up and running in schools.

The highest bidder and a pal will be flown to Los Angeles, where Lachey will wine and dine them. The lucky pair will also be put up in a luxury hotel for a night and sent on a $500 (£330) shopping spree as part of the grand prize.

Bidding on the online auction kicked off on Monday and ends on 1 October.

Tyra Banks loves to get naked

Tyra Banks has said that she loves to get naked, but in the privacy of her own home.

Banks, who bid adieu to modelling in 2005, has insisted that she would never shed her clothes for cameras. But she has claimed that she loves seeing herself naked at home.

"I always feel great when I don't have clothes on... I always feel good that way," Contactmusic quoted her as saying.

In fact, sometimes she would prefer to be naked than clothed, she said.

"Sometimes certain clothes, when I put them on and they don't fit the way that I would like them to, that's when I tend to get self-conscious," she added.

WTF Wednesday: crimesolving via facebook! And more

Burglar leaves his Facebook page up on victim's computer
Busted! "The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer."

Coffee spill costs campus $200,000
"A coffee maker rigged to a faucet and left on in a photo lab led to a ruptured water line in July. About 10,000 gallons of water spilled down four floors, damaging ceilings, walls, computers and files." D'oh!

Cat strays 2,400 miles, returns home
"No one has a clue how Clyde managed the 185-mile sea journey across the Bass Strait from Tasmania off mainland Australia's southeast coast, and then about more than 2,000 miles overland to Cloncurry, deep in the arid interior of the Outback."

Doctor removes plastic fragment found in lung
"A man who was plagued with coughing fits should be OK now that they have removed a 1-inch piece of plastic that he sucked into his lung. The fragment of an eating utensil had rested there since he inhaled it nearly two years ago while swallowing a soft drink at a Wendy's restaurant."

Police find marijuana in suspect's dreadlocks
"A tall sergeant looked down at his head and saw a marijuana cigarette stashed in his dreadlocked hair."

Man injured by falling cow
"A Florida man sustained non-life-threatening injuries when a cow fell on him at a dairy farm. (I'm sorry, but there are NOT enough details in this story. How does this kind of thing happen?? Inquiring minds want to know!)

Poll -- do y'all like WTF Wednesday? I'm thinking of discontinuing b/c there are so many great weird news sites out there. Yah, nay or meh for me please! You can comment or email: blogrollandroll@yahoo.com. Thx!

Herding cats

Might look something like this. Which killed me, btw, with its cuteness. Not one but two tabbies on leashes! (I saw this last week in Red Bank, NJ not far from the comic store run by Kevin Smith of Clerks fame.)
Sent from my phone, please excuse any typos.

Jennifer Aniston Eyes A Music Career

Jennifer Aniston might be one of the most beautiful actresses on the plant, but she could be eyeing up a music career after belting out a tune on the Ellen DeGeneres show this week.

The poor star is appearing as a singer in her forthcoming movie The Goree Girls, so good old Ellen decided she had to prove her worth before she could actually play the part of a musician.

So, in the spirit of American TV, Ellen pulled out a mic and get Jen to serenade her with a few lines from the song, I’ve Got A Crush On You, can’t say we’ve ever heard it before, but nevertheless, we’re definitely going to find it on iTunes now.

But don’t take our word for it, have a listen below and tell us what you think? Is she the new Britney? Or should she stick to the day job?

Megan Fox tired of fame, sexiness

It seems that Hollywood actress Megan Fox is tired of her fame and sexiness, for she doesn’t want to let people know more about herself.

The 23-year-old actress is currently promoting new film ‘Jennifer’s Body’ at the Toronto International Film Festival.

Although the ‘Transformers’ star never complains about being the hottest female star in Hollywood, she does seem a little tired of all the attention she is getting.

Asked whether playing a high-schooler made her nostalgic for her own high school days, Fox dodged the question saying that she'd instead like to “go back to a time where I didn’t have any responsibility.”

In fact, she seemed wary of the exposure she has had recently. "I feel like I cling to my privacy and I don’t need to expose myself further to people," Fox News quoted her as saying.

TMI Thursday: Me and my second head

Welcome to TMI Thursday, spearheaded by LiLu, who says:

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

I'm short on bodily function stories right now. But will you take the next best thing -- a grotesque deformity?

I grew up in NJ, land of full-service gas stations. (Wait, this will make sense in a moment.) Only two states in the entire U.S. offer full-service by law: NJ and Oregon. Never having pumped my own gas before, I pulled into a station one sunny afternoon, rolled the window down and announced to the attendant that I wanted to fill my tank. This is important because note that I had to actually speak to someone. Face to face. In order to get gas, the most mundane of tasks.

I flung my arm out the window to offer my credit card.

Only he wasn't interested.

Instead he stared at me, his face a giant question mark, fingers absentmindedly raking over the tall white turban resting on his head. He gazed at me as if I were a creature from outer space. A long awkward moment passed before I turned to look behind me. Was it a language barrier? A UFO landing? A cat giving birth to a zebra? A UFO giving birth to a cat?

No one was behind me.

There wasn't a single living object that could have so captivated his attention.

He stood there still staring. I asked again, this time with less certainty due to the weirdness that was developing, "fill 'er up please?"

Finally he pointed.

At my face.

He. Pointed.

At.

My.

Face.

Grinning slowly, he asked, unabashed, "What's THAT??"

He had an accent but I understood him perfectly.

I slowly followed his fingertip to the end of my nose, where there stood a giant red zit. A pustule pulsating happily in its glory at the defeat of the rest of my face, it knew it had won. Like the bulbous second head of a encephalic siamese twin, it mindlessly competed for visual attention through the sheer enormity of its very presence. I didn't have a chance.

A pimple. He didn't understand what was on my face because it was so large and grotesque that it was like a physical deformity. With childlike innocence he simply could not help himself from blurting out the unspeakable. Questions must sometimes be answered.

I narrowed my eyes. Brazen candor shall be met with its equal.

"It's a ZIT." I flatly replied.

He stood, shocked. That an ordinary red bump could so hijack one's face that it could become the sole point of focus was inconceivable. He took one last gaping stare before ripping his eyes away to focus on the more earthly task at hand: filling my tank.

We spent the next several minutes in awkward silence as I cursed the SLOW SLOW pumps before paying and driving off in disgrace.

And then I made a slight change in plans that involved an entire tub of benzoyl peroxide, several sewing needles, needlenose pliers, a spare car battery and some Advil.

A moment of silence, please, in remembrance of its untimely death. But it was either it or me, and I got the brain.

Image source

My TMI Thursday archive -->
LiLu's TMI Thursday archive -->

WTF Wednesday

• Bicyclist gets hit by freak bolt of lightning
  Monty Python fans will immediately think, "DON'T stand there gawping, like you've never seen the hand o' god before!" I'll ruin it for you so you don't palpitate on me before you click over. He's fine.
  
  
• Guy robs house, returns 2 hours later to ask resident out on a date
  That's a great way to win a lady over, btw. Rob her.

These next few are older but still WTF??able:

• Muslim TV exec beheaded wife because she wanted out
  No wonder she wanted out.
  
  
• Miss Universe visits Guantanamo, says it's "a loooot of fun!" and "I didn't want to leave, it was such a relaxing place, so calm and beautiful."
  
  
• A Tunisian pilot was sentenced to 10 years in prison because he paused to pray instead of taking emergency measures before crash-landing his plane, killing 16 people.
  
  
• Top highly inappropriate toys for tots including the toy tattoo gun (does it come with toy hepatitis?), the pole dance doll, kid's nipple tassle teeshirt (for baby's practice), shave the baby, baby glutton, and (my favorite) stuffed STDs. (Thanks, Mike!)

old diary entry: my to do list

So I'm continuing to go through my old diaries. Here's a to-do list from my college days. Can you tell I was a wee bit frustrated?

1. finish that damned comm law stuff.
2. finish that damned astrology stuff.
3. finish that damned AIDS article.
4. put in a note off for work / Feb. 1 & dentist & Dr.'s app.
5. Go to the stupid bank and make a dumb deposit.
6. Pay those stupid shitty parking and speeding tickets.
7. Buy the stupid damned books and read the stupid damned material in them.
8. Stop being so damned hostile!

And here I am, trying to figure out how to pay a stupid shitty parking ticket. Some things never change!

Peter Andre Delays Sex

Peter Andre is still not ready to have sex.

The 'Behind Closed Doors' singer - whose divorce from Katie Price will be finalised in the coming weeks - is keen to start dating again but thinks it will be a while before he gets intimate with another girl.

Peter, who has remained celibate since the May split, said: "I'm ready to start dating. But there's no way I could even think about having sex at the moment. I'm looking for a nice girl."

I'm ready to start dating. But there's no way I could even think about having sex at the moment. I'm looking for a nice girl.

Although he is on the search for a new lady, Peter has been left terrified by two obsessive female fans and has hired two former SAS minders to protect him.

The women have been seen outside his home and have been following him around the country as he makes a series of personal appearances.

A source said: "It has freaked Pete out a bit. Now he's not taking any chances. Safety is his main priority.

"Former SAS-trained security men have been drafted in to protect him and keep over-eager fans at bay."

Meanwhile, Katie has reportedly told friends she still loves Peter and regrets her recent wild behaviour.

The glamour model - who raises three children, Harvey, seven, Junior, four, and two-year-old Princess Tiaamii, with Peter - is devastated her marriage has come to an end.

A source said: "The divorce is finally hitting home. She never really thought her marriage would end, deep down. Now it has, she can't get over Pete."

Since the split, Katie - also known as Jordan - has enjoyed several wild nights out, including a week in the party island of Ibiza, and is now dating cage fighter Alex Reid.

Foster miserable after girlfriend Cindy Mort dumps her

Oscar-winning actress Jodie Foster is reportedly "devastated" after being dumped by her lesbian lover Cindy Mort.

Mort reportedly walked out of the couple's LA home following a series of heated rows. She is said to have rekindled her romance with former girlfriend Amanda Demme, leaving Foster "miserable", Daily Mail reported.

Foster, 46, met the writer/producer on the set of The Brave One in 2006. The couple started living together following Foster's split from long term partner, producer Cydney Bernard.

The Silence of the Lambs actress remained tight-lipped about her sexuality for many years and decided to come out of closet in 2007 when she publicly acknowledged her 15-year relationship with Bernard during an award ceremony.

She called Bernard "my beautiful Cydney, who sticks with me through the rotten and the bliss" while accepting the award.

However, the couple, who have two children together through IVF, split later that year.

Foster, who won Best Actress Oscar awards for her role as a rape victim in the 1989 film The Accused and as a FBI trainee in the 1991 movie The Silence of the Lambs, is famous for her reclusive nature and refuses to employ household staff for fear that they would leak details of her home life to the media.

Carrie Fisher Heads to Sorority Row

Carrie Fisher, aka Princess Leia from the Star Wars saga, wears some fun fashion as she leaves a medical building on Thursday (September 10) in Beverly Hills, Calif.

The 52-year-old legendary actress returns to the big screen in the thriller, Sorority Row, co-starring Audrina Patridge, Rumer Willis, Jamie Chung and Briana Evigan. Carrie plays a badass sorority house mom in the film.

Chace Crawford & Bar Refaeli Couple Up

Chace Crawford and Bar Refaeli are starting to get friendly with each other.

The Gossip Girl hunk and Sports Illustrated cover model, both 24, shared a special moment on Friday night (September 11) at NYC hotspot 1Oak.

During Jay-Z’s “Run This Town,” they were “dancing on each other, swaying their hips together from side to side,” a partygoer exclusively tells JustJared.com. “At one point, Bar reached down and grabbed Chace’s backside. They were very affectionate with each other.”

Another source reveals, “Bar and Chace have been spending a lot of time together since Bar is town and attending NY Fashion Week events.” (During Fashion’s Night Out on Thursday, Chace dropped by the Dolce & Gabbana boutique while Bar was at the Ralph Lauren boutique.)

Spotted at the booth next to the unlikely pair: Rihanna hanging out with her entourage. Jay-Z and Kanye also dropped by the club, celebrating their performance together from earlier in the evening at Jay-Z’s 9/11 benefit concert.

Last month, Chace was seen kissing Twilight cutie Ashley Greene. Bar called it quits with Leonardo DiCaprio back in June and has been linked to Brazilian polo player and entrepreneur Ricardo Mansur.

Kate Moss walks out of GQ awards

British supermodel Kate Moss stormed out of an award function after the host made a joke at her expense. She has vowed never to attend any such event in future.

Moss turned up at the annual style ceremony, GQ Men of The Year Awards, which took place Tuesday in London to present her close friend Lily Allen with the Woman Of The Year honour. Moss giggled through her introduction after admitting she was "absolutely terrible at these things" before handing the Allen her award.

Her guest turn was the subject of some onstage jest from the evening's host, Irish actor James Nesbitt, and Moss took great offence at the jibe, reports contactmusic.com.

As she marched out of the awards, she said: "He's so f**king rude! How dare he? Do you know what, I'm never coming back to these f**king awards again."

Allen tried in vain to calm her down, saying, "He didn't mean it like that, Kate," but Moss still grabbed boyfriend Jamie Hince and made a quick exit.

Kendra Wilkinson Showers With Hugh

Kendra Wilkinson's ex-boyfriend Hugh Hefner attended her baby shower yesterday (09.09.09).

Playboy founder Hugh took his latest girlfriends Crystal Harris and twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon to meet Kendra - who is due to have her first boy with husband Hank Baskett in December.

Writing on his Twitter blog ahead of his visit on Tuesday, 83-year-old Hugh wrote: "All my girlfriends - old and new - will be at Kendra's baby shower. How can I stay away?"

All my girlfriends - old and new - will be at Kendra's baby shower. How can I stay away?

Other guests attending the party - held at the home of Playboy mansion secretary Mary O'Conners - included Hugh's ex-girlfriends Bridget Marquardt and Holly Madison.

The partygoers enjoyed a 'pickles and ice cream/candyland' themed party which included cupcakes baked by Bridget.

Bridget had earlier written on Twitter: "Just got done baking, frosting and decorating a ton of mini-cupcakes for Kendra's shower tomorrow.

"It's been a busy day. I'm exhausted!"

Holly revealed wrote on Twitter she was "wearing a sympathy pack made of balloons" at the party.

Katherine Heigl Adopts Special Needs Baby From Korea

Katherine Heigl talks all about her decision to adopt in a sit-down interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, airing on Friday (September 11). Here’s what the 30-year-old Grey’s Anatomy actress shared about 10-month-old baby Naleigh (a mix of her mom and sister’s names, Nancy and Leigh):

On Naleigh, who was born in Korea: “She was actually born the day before me in November which I thought was really serendipitous and just kind of like a sign. I realized just recently that I basically forfeited my birthday for the rest of my life.”

On how she got to adopt so quickly: “She is a special needs baby and because of that it all moved so much faster. They wanted to get her to us as quickly as possible.”

On her decision to adopt this way: “It’s been a big part of my life and my family. My sister is Korean and my parents adopted her back in the 70s and so I just always knew that this is something I wanted to do.”

On her husband, musician Josh Kelley: “I just wanted to make sure that I was marrying a guy who understands that this was going to have to happen. So about a year ago is when we said, ‘OK, let’s start the process,’ and the process is intense. It’s different but it isn’t, do you know what I mean? It’s just as intense I’m sure to have a baby biologically because you’re going through the whole physical sort of thing of it.”

Megan Fox : I will never make a sex tape

Hollywood beauty Megan Fox seems to have learnt the lesson from the embarrassing experiences of her fellow celebrities like Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson and has vowed never to make a sex tape.

The Transformers star who has been voted the 'Sexiest Woman Alive' in two years in a row, said that seeing herself having sex will turn her off the act forever, reported MTV online.

"Ugh, never! That's the last thing I want to see- what I look like having sex. It would take one shot of me not looking good and I would not be able to have sex ever again," said Fox.

The 23-year-old actress who is reportedly back again with her on-off boyfriend Brian Austin Green, said that she prefers to keep that part of her life to herself.

"Literally all I have left are my private parts and I don't want to also share them with the world. I'd like to keep them private. That's why they're called that," said the actress adding that she would never go nude on-screen.

"It lives forever, especially now, with the Internet. I just can't. I just can't," said the actress.

TMI Thursday: on the topic of ginormous breasts

There, do I have your attention now? Good. But in case you wondered if this post was about MY ginormous breasts, sorry. It's not. (Regular readers will note that the above photo is not one of me.) No, this TMI Thursday post is about how, even though I am not INTO ginormous breasts, I still notice them. (Or at least I do if they're being thrown into my face.)

Here's what happened.

I was at a meeting one day with one of my old coworkers and we were sitting at a table shuffling papers, discussing the efficiency of loading a full ream of paper into the printer every third Thursday (or some equally riveting topic). She seemed uncomfortable and kept shifting her body; twisting around the chair, heaving upward and rotating upon some strange axis before settling back down. She would not stop fidgeting.

Look, it's not MY fault that she was wearing a shirt so low-cut that her boobs swung out like wrecking balls.

So I looked!

Everytime her girls swiveled into view, the sheer size, weight and momentum yanked my eyes downward. I couldn't help glancing. I really couldn't. I tried not to notice but she kept whipping them into my line of sight. If she was trying to get me to stare, she couldn't have done a better job. But she wasn't.

Finally she outright handled them. Yep. She picked her breasts up with her hands, gently cupping the bottom, and gingerly settled them down on the table.

What would you do?

You'd notice.

I've never seen someone fuss so with their torso. But she wasn't doing it to get my attention. I thought she was either just a nervous, active person, or she'd drank 78 espressos that morning, but either way, I DID notice.

She suddenly grew shy after my last averted eye attempt. After resting them on the table, she looked at me uncomfortably, glanced down and slowly pulled her shawl forward, draping loose burlap-like fabric over her cleavage, hiding all evidence of the shapes that lurked beneath.

I thought I'd die of embarrassment. BUSTED!

She actually had to cover herself because of me.

"I don't care about your boobs!" I wanted to cry. "Stop hurling them in my face!"

Really, if she'd been swiveling her elbows about, I'd be noticing them too.

And trust me, I have ZERO sexual interest in either body part.

I now sympathize with some (SOME) guys who shift their gaze downward now and then. I'm not even INTO them and couldn't help it!

Chelsea Charms and her ginormous boobs

Want more embarrassing stories?

• See my TMI Thursday archive-->
• Go to Lilu's TMI Thursday hub-->

9/9/09, at 9:09am

From my buddy Socam, 9am this morning. (Ahem, I meant 9:09 a.m.)

wtf Wednesday: awful stench, but man's not dead, just a slob

Hey there! I'm back from my travels. I've been living out of a suitcase for the past week while visiting family in NJ. I have much to share, but today I bring you choice WTF???'s in the news:

• Awful stench in apt. reveals that man isn't dead, just a slob
  when firefighters busted down the the door, they found the tenant very much alive and living with rotting garbage piled floor to ceiling.
• Man in Thor costume scares off burglar
  "As soon as he saw me his eyes went wide with terror."
• Teen wedged in toilet during music festival
  A British teenager had to be rescued by firefighters when her shoulders became wedged in a long-drop wooden toilet at a music festival.
• Python finds home in man's toilet
  Said python had developed a habit of slithering in from the garden and curling up in the toilet bowl.
• Accident lands jeep on home's second floor
  The driver (likely drunk -- ya think?) hit a pile of dirt and went airborne toward a house, crashing into the second floor.
  
• Man accidentally fires cannon into neighbor's house
  Recreating 19th century cannons is a longtime hobby for man who said he is sorry and he will stop shooting them on his property
• Man tries to pay for gas with pot
  Sheriff's deputies arrested a man after he allegedly offered store clerks marijuana to pay for gasoline.
• Firefighters forced to bathe elephant
  A firefighter's union says a New York City engine company had to close its firehouse for 30 minutes to bathe a circus elephant on city orders.
• Woman arrested in air freshener attack
  Police in Florida said they arrested a woman for attacking a smoker with air freshener sprayed from a can.
• Bear adept at opening car doors
  The interior of a Colorado man's car was destroyed by a black bear authorities said has become an expert at opening car doors.

Stay tuned as I do more catching up this week! And figure out my TMI Thursday post!

Victoria Beckham Upset Over Vogue Cover

Former singer Victoria Beckham is reportedly devastated after learning she won't be gracing the cover of U.S. fashion bible Vogue - because she has already posed for the publication's main competitor.

The former Spice Girl is keen to make her mark on the fashion industry, and is proving a hit following the release of her first clothes line - even managing to persuade supermodel Elle Macpherson to don her expensive dresses.

The star is still seeking the approval of the heavyweights at American Vogue, and has been on a strict diet while sticking to haute couture fashion in a bid to impress magazine bosses and land the chance of appearing on the cover, according to a new U.K. report.

But Beckham has reportedly been snubbed by magazine editor Anna Wintour - because she has appeared on rival fashion publication Elle's cover. A source tells Britain's Daily Mail newspaper, "Victoria hoped to land the Vogue cover but it fell through weeks ago. She posed for Elle instead and now Vogue won't consider her for at least four months."

The style icon has already appeared on the cover of British and Russian Vogue.

Daniel Craig Has Hottest Body

Daniel Craig has been voted Hollywood's Hottest Torso.

The 41-year-old actor topped a lovefilm.com poll for the scene in James Bond film 'Casino Royale' where he emerges from the ocean wearing a pair of tiny blue swimming shorts.

He won 34 per cent of the vote, while Gerard Butler came second with 21 per cent for his shirtless scenes as Spartan king Leonidas in '300'. Brad Pitt's sculpted chest and abdomen in 'Troy' secured third place with 13 per cent of the vote.

Sacha Baron Cohen came an unlikely fourth for his "mankini" scene in 'Borat', followed by Sean Connery in 1965 Bond adventure 'Thunderball' and Leonardo DiCaprio in 'The Beach'.

Music icon Elvis Presley, British comedian Russell Brand, US funnyman Hank Azaria and actor Jan-Michael Vincent rounded off the top 10.

The movie website asked over 1,000 of its members to vote for their top film torso in the poll to mark the end of summer.

Lovefilm's top 10 Hollywood Torsos:

1. Daniel Craig, 'Casino Royale'
2. Gerard Butler, '300'
3. Brad Pitt, 'Troy'
4. Sacha Baron Cohen, 'Borat'
5. Sean Connery, 'Thunderball'
6. Leonardo DiCaprio, 'The Beach'
7. Hank Azaria, 'Along Came Polly'
8. Elvis Presley, 'Blue Hawaii'
9. Russell Brand, 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'
10. Jan-Michael Vincent, 'Big Wednesday'

Cynthia Nixon Fans Try to Storm Sex Set

Filming for the Sex And the City sequel had to be halted on Wednesday (02Sep09) after hysterical fans tried to overpower security to get closer to Cynthia Nixon.

The actress, as well as leading lady Sarah Jessica Parker and her onscreen husband, played by Chris Noth, hit New York earlier this week (begs31Aug09) to film scenes for the second instalment of the hit movie.

Followers of the cult show and film are surrounding the set in a bid to catch a glimpse of the glamorous stars, and film chiefs have had to step up security to protect the actors.

But over-eager fans caused havoc on Wednesday, forcing bosses to axe a scene Nixon was due to star in because of fears over her safety.

A source tells New York Daily News, "People were screaming and trying to push past guards. The fans were just too much. Security looked legitimately concerned for her (Nixon's) safety."

People were screaming and trying to push past guards. The fans were just too much. Security looked legitimately concerned for her (Nixon's) safety.

And Parker and Noth's presence has also caused a stir on the streets of the Big Apple.

The insider adds, "They looked more like they were protecting the president.

"At one point, teenage girls were practically trampling each other trying to get to Sarah Jessica as she was walking back to her trailer, but her security team was shoving everyone out of the way."

But the heavy-handed security team upset Parker, who reportedly asked them not to "hurt her fans." The insider continues, "She looked upset and extremely concerned. The guards were getting pretty rough."

The original movie, which was released last year (08), has earned more than $415 million (£276 million) worldwide.